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How Can One Maintain a Sense of Identity When Living With a Control Freak Husband?

Question by S: How can one maintain a sense of identity when living with a control freak husband?
At first I thought he was just being helpful and paying attention to me and I accepted it. As time passed, he took control of every single aspect of my life, including what I eat, who I see, where I go, how I dress, … He does the same to our two daughters. No one can eat what they want in this house before he agrees ot it. He constantly criticizes me and disapproves of everything my elder daughter (8) does. He once told her he was ashamed of her just because she didn’t do well at her karate class. He even interferes in my daughters childish fights with her friends at school and teaches her what to tell them and therefore my daughter has become isloated and friendless at school. He needs to control everything from grocery shopping, to what we cook for dinner, to who we associate with and he needs to be praised and looked up to at all times. And he wants me to feel that without him I can not survive. Through the years, this behavior has lead me to become paralysed and helpless and of course miserable. I have tried talking to him, sometimes if he is in a good mood, he will accept his faults and apologize and promise not to repeat his mistakes but he very soon forgets his promise and goes back to being controlling and overbearing. He is highly educated and knowledgeable and thinks no one is up to his standards. I have a master’s degree too and i have worked sporadically during the years but mostly i was taking care of my children, my youngest is only 2. He can’t stand my family (or anyone I get close to) because I love them and even though they live in another state, it bothers him even if i talk to them on the phone, they have always been respectful toward him even though they knew he was hurting my emotions. He is not physically aggressive but he ignores me and gets moody and starts scolding my elder daughter over trivial matters just to annoy me. He works part-time so has a lot of time and energy to dedicate to controlling the household and the people in it. He even does the groceries. He tells me it’s not safe for me to drive long distances and this has made me doubt myself and my abilities. I don’t want to break this family up but I am suffocating and feeling a lot of resentment toward him. I cannot love him as I would like to and get close to him. I have suggested therapy, sometimes when he is in a good mood he accepts and at other times, he tells me the therapist has nothing to tell me and we’ll only waste our money. I need a sense of self and I need your advice and perspective on this. Thank you.

Best answer:

Answer by Angie
you gotta put your foot down and deman couselling and a change or you have to leave. this is a form of abuse and is teaching your daughters the wrong way men should treat women. if he loves you he will work at it

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