Question by Tiyanna V: Does my girlfriend have borderline personality disorder? And is it just a mild version?
My girlfriend is 21 and from the very beginning we were very comfortable with eachother. She opened up to me rather quickly telling me that she would jump from relationship to relationship usually ending them by cheating on one guy and continuing a relationship with the new guy. This was her cycle until she met her most current ex that she was with for 2.5 years. However cheated on him twice. She told me she was with him for so long because he bought her nice things and she would spend extravagantly with him. (the excessive spending) When she gets depressed she goes on shopping sprees spending thousands at a time. She also opened up to me early saying that she was raped at the age of 10 and during that time her parents were going through a divorce. During out relationship (its been 6 months) she will be very dramatic about random things and get annoyed easily often pushing me away but will get over it rather quickly. She has moodswings and she can cry on demand (thats what i think) but she cries and then will compose herself very quickly. When things got really bad and i was gonna break up with her, she cut herself multiple times and even said things that showed she was thinkin of killing herself. When im mad at her I will often ignore her for a complete day and she will become frantic and call me nonstop and text me nonstop and she will come to my house/work and wait for me outside my house (this was one time). She says she HATES it when people ignore her. Our sex is really fun and started the 2nd day i met her. Its frequent (she always wants to whenever we can) and she likes it rough and likes to play like im “raping” her but she HATES using condoms and refuses. She can get anxiety fairly easy and she is very manipulative to get what she wants. When i broke up wit her once in public, she through a tantrum (stomping her feet, bangin her head against the wall, and yelling and crying). When she wants to keep me around she tells me im a perfect bf for her and then she will switch n say that i dont care about her at all. She has really low self esteem and is self concious always thinking people are judging her (which she says is due to her modeling). She is constantly lieing and even when I call her out on it she still holds true to her lie unless i have evidence. She had bad memory and will repeat stories over and over. She used to do coke (or still might) and smokes a pack of cigs a day. She currently sees a doctor for ADD and takes Adderall. Do these disorders go hand in hand? Could the adderrall be makin her BPD more apparent? She told me she saw her doctors paper n it said “Neurological disorder?” n it was circled yes…she says her dad wont tell her what thats all about, n im not sure if shes hiding the fact that she does have BPD or if she doesnt know herself that she has it. I know this sounds like i just read the symptoms and repeated them and put them all in to one girl. But this is real and i know it sounds like its pretty obvious she has it…but i think its mild. Is it possible for BPD to be mild? Her mood swings are only when we are having a difficult time in our relationship. The BPD symptoms are only apparent when we are having problems in our relationship and not entirely in her platonic or mutual relationships or with her family. Any and all insight will help. Im not sure if its a disorder or if its just her personality cause how can you blame some things on a disorder like this if its just how you are. She also has friends that act in the same manner. Could I be making her BPD more apparent, what are ways to help her with this from my end?
Forgot, she will also do a lot for me, usually going out of her way to bring me lunch, and buy me nice things. She is constantly giving to her friends and is always taking care of people.
Also she is pretty self absorbed, and cares alot about superficial things.
also, she always wants to spend time together as much as possible. She doesnt really have the symptom of wanting me and then pushing me away. Shes convinced that she loves me and always will. Shes very good at maniplating me and reads me very well.
i appreciate all the responses…im afraid that her BPD is developing and im in the beginning. It seems her family may know something she doesnt because they just recently started her therapy…the thing is they for some reason just started it now and shes 21. So I have a feeling they wanted to monitor it because they are afraid it going to start getting worse…
she doesnt have this symptom:

“# Splitting: the self and others are viewed as “all good” or “all bad.” Someone with BPD said, “One day I would think my doctor was the best and I loved her, but if she challenged me in any way I hated her. There was no middle ground as in like. In my world, people were either the best or the worst. I couldn’t understand the concept of middle ground.”
# Alternating clinging and distancing behaviors (I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me). Sometimes you want to be close to someone. But when you get close it feels TOO close and you feel like you have to get some space. This happens often. ”

but she does have trust issues.
actually she doesnt have trust issues…she just has a really bad jealousy problem.

Best answer:

Answer by MaryMary
Wow. She is very lucky to have you. It don’t sound like she have ADD. Maybe I am wrong. My child have ADHD and the way she is acting is completely different. Anyway, regardless of that, she confessed that she had been harmed when she was 10, that explains why she act like this. You need to encourage her to see her therapists for cognitive behavior (it will help her how to control her tempers, change her way of thinking, how to treat people differently, things like that). She says she goes from one relationship to another, that’s not good but she can’t help it becos of her past including past relationships. Encourage her to change her tablets as well, something to help keep her calm but still active. I don’t think she have a depression but it could be suppressed for many years and it manifest itselfs in her personality. For example, you try hard not to worry about something but it affect your health. It’s like that. Encourage to see her doc and get all those help she need if she want to change way of her life. Wishing you luck.

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