Question by White Raven: When wife stays home, should husband stay out of household affairs?
I told my husband that since I stay home, and I have elected not to have a maid (because I do stay home) that I should make the major decisions regarding household decoration, upkeep, dinner parties and guest stays. However, although he does nothing to speak of around the house, he constantly has input into how I do things or what I choose to do. For example, he recently removed some decorations that have been in the guest rooms for a couple of years saying that they were never meant to hold items like fancy soaps, etc, that they are instead meant for serving things, and there was some argument about whether he really meant that or whether he wanted to give them to his mother as serving dishes. He claims not, but the items were removed and he is set to visit his mother soon. Also, his family might come and stay in those rooms, so maybe he removed them so they would not say they were too good for the decorative use. I feel none of those things are anyone else’s concern but mine.

He frequently invites guests, some of them are traveling business guests, who sometimes come and stay in our home rather than a hotel. This means that I really need to have the house looking spiffy, so decorating and neatness becomes not only more important and more of a reflection on me, but it also becomes a heck of a lot more work. In order to manage this (because there are a lot more guests coming here than I would like) I have an idea of exactly what needs to happen per each dinner or stay that I host to keep the guests happy and the work reasonable and balanced so everything runs smoothly. However, he always adds his input in such a way that upsets the balance of my plans. For example, he insists on an extra meal course that would be served while the main course goes cold. He insists on certain decorations either being present or not present and lectures me about whether they are appropriate or not. He insists on certain tablecloths or napkins which would require extra ironing on my part. He complains that I must constantly clean up after each thing I do in the kitchen, making cooking in front of him and others more work, and I also get a hand rash from soap if I do this.

He has also done a few small things around the house that adds unnecessarily to the housework I need to do and that has a negative impact on how things look to visitors – meaning I can’t let it go – such as bringing home extra food and stuffing the fridge full of it, making it harder to deal with hosting dinners, and making the freezer an embarrassing mess that guests will see when the go to get ice, so I have to clean it AGAIN.

Also, he is extremely insulting toward me all the while about these issues. Comments that I receive to him whenever I try to broach these subjects are that I am stupid, ignorant or low-class, or that my mother is and has raised me to be so, and then he promptly tells me to shut up. Yesterday I told him that he needs to respect the fact that if the care of the house is mine, then I need to have the say in these things, or else I feel more like a servant doing his bidding instead of the “mistress of the home”. I told him I’d rather not be together if it were going to be like this. He left me a note saying that he loves me and thinks that we should be “equals with no territory” and without ultimatums. To me it sounds like he is preventing me once again from having control of the home that I basically spend my life caring for (it is a big home and an INSANE amount of work). If that is true, I do feel like a maid and I feel that is not my role – so I would not want to remain.

Am I wrong to want to run this home without his input? Please no religious answers. I want real people’s opinions, not quotes from some antiquated book which I already read on google and weren’t helpful. And please don’t tell me to leave him. I could well choose that but that’s not what I am asking about. Domestic related answers only.
@Merlin, did you factor in all that I mentioned regarding the fact that his input is derogatory, insulting, and puts a wrench in the works of everything I try to do when I cook, clean, and entertain?

Best answer:

Answer by ? Merlin ?
“Am I wrong to want to run this home without his input?”

in a word?
yes
its his home too
one he goes out to work to provide for so you CAN stay at home
he is your husband, your partner, your equal
why do you not want his input like every other married couple?

Give your answer to this question below!

 

 

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