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He’s on the Verge of Cheating…..?

Question by Liir Lowry: He’s on the verge of cheating…..?
I’m sending this from a friends account… not a guy typing)

My boyfriend and I have been having issues… big issues..
He has alot of health problems… he has a disease that is slowly setting him up to a life in a wheelchair.. and it’s approaching rapidly…
The fact of this is driving him insane..
Because of this issue he is in constant pain..

The pain has let him to do really stupid things…
for years he’s had a severe bulemic issue..
it’s not a body morph thing.. but because his doctor told him.. the lighter you are.. the longer you will have walking..
he also burns..

these break my heart… when he isnt in the pain he has no issues and everything is ok..

but here’s where I messed up..

I got into his email once.
He had left it up..
all these pictures of girls…
and conversations of hooking up…
via sex ads on craigslist…

on top of everything he was badly sexually abused as a child, as he got older he got into the group sex scene which was like poison to him… his sex drive is off the wall…
he describes it as these impulses that he cant controll…
that he’s searched for sexual addiction therapists but cant find anything in his insurance range.
he says that in the past ex’s of doing it there was never any emotional attachment.. that its to numb the pain for awhile… that at the time there is no guilt but it hurts him after…just sex…

I cant live with that,,,
attachment or not, I believe that love is between two people.

I can not tell him I read that..
it wont make any difference anyway…

I called him out on it once and said i ‘found out’ about the craigslist thing
and he told me that he has this need to feel wanted… but has never followed through..
that he says the **** but it has never reached a level of sleeping with anyone else.

Im so very lost on to what to do…
i love him, I love him with all of my heart
i dont want to give him up
even though im sure somewhere out there is someone else who would treat me like i deserve

i feel like if the pain wasnt there then he wouldnt do these thing..
even though theres absoutely no excuse to justify what hes doing..

there is nothing they can medically do to help him.
the pains are neuropathy.. meaning nerves.

he’s been on a few medicines to help but nothing has made a difference
and his pain doctor wont give him more than a perk 5..
why.. i have no idea, but its not helping.

what should I do?

hold onto faith..
that the man ive seen without pain will come back

or sit back and wait for the possible:
I’ve cheated… this relationship needs to end.

its such a bizarre case.
it breaks my heart that sexual abuse has let him to having the terrible cravings that he gets…
He’s cried to me and told me he’s so torn because half of him wants to get close.. wants to let me in… but the other half is only concerned on how can he go on tomorrow, how can he stop his legs from giving up.. how can he block out the pain

Ive tried to tell myself to let him go… but it ends up tearing me apart.

Best answer:

Answer by I showed up..
He needs to get help. You said he can’t find “sexual addiction therapists” in his insurance range, but a regular therapist can help.
Instead of searching for one that specializes in sexual addiction, just find a good therapist.
It might even help if YOU did the searching and calling and even drove him to the sessions.
This way you can hold him accountable but also show him how much you support him and are willing to work through the issues with him.
This is also a sure way of helping him feel closer to you.

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