Question by Starry Eyed Equestrian™: Why is My Husband Making This So Hard?
okay I have been married for 4yrs. I have an anger issue I need help with, I was court ordered to go to anger management. Well when I did that and explained to my counselor all that happened and how I felt. She just started at me and was like ” why are you here?” I was like umm I have an anger issue and she was all ” No, No you don’t you have a marriage issues.” I was a little shocked she said that and she made me take the anger courses to see if it would help me. Well about 1yr later and sweeping it all under the rug I went to my husband about wanting marriage counseling. I get from him ” Our marriage isn’t that bad Hun, we do have issues but I don’t feel we need Marriage counseling.” I was so sure we did I kept pushing at it and he said No still. I then snapped the beginning of January 2010 and got arrested due to my husband going at me and me fighting back. He has a mark and I didn’t so they arrested me again for the same issue. I tried what my anger management wanted me to do first and he kept pushing my buttons and so on. I walked away he followed me and then I just snapped with what he said. I have never been a violent or angry person till I got married. I feel he doesn’t respect me as a woman and my needs. Why wont he go to marriage counseling? I know men are not like woman but he is making this so hard. he tells me he will go but then because I am having issues with his family now, he wants a divorce out of know were and is slamming me with the last 4yrs issues I had and saying he never had really any issues. What would you do as a wife? I am not looking to divorce or break my vows till everything has been done to fix it. but if he chooses to I cannot say No. but how do I fix this and make him understand this and God can save us?
Divorce or abuse is not the answer, but this all happened due to stress and I have loved this man when I first gave myself to him. I love him even when he messes up because God lets me forgive people. I just want to know how can I make him see this will decrease the stress and bond us.
I know violence is not the answer and I dont know why I do it, he just says things that make me turn badly. I do love him and I want to stop being angry. I mean I told him if he wanted the divorce to do it that I cannot stop him and yet he tells me to calm down and we will worry about fixing that problem after all the other ones we have. so I dont know what he wants.
I am happy with him because I live life and believe in God and God makes us happy we just dont know how to communicate is all.
Maria, I am not pointing the finger at him, hes pointing it all at me. I asked him to go to counseling and he said No that our marriage issues are all my fault and refuses to go because he feels I need to fix my AM issues, but then he told the cop this time when I was arrested that it was due all to stress about me being in an accident and the 1,700 we owe on taxes and so on. I stand up and take my own punishment when I am wrong and told my lawyer and the judge that. So I dont know what else to do. I lost my job, I have no car and now he wants to divorce me but just wont do it. what am I to do?
so because i have an issue I didnt get till i got married, I need to divorce to fix myself? umm isnt that a little stupid. why give my marriage up when I can have both and fix me still?

Best answer:

Answer by Moony3005231
He won’t go, because as all men, they won’t want to admit they are wrong, they don’t want to admit they need help. The word “councelling” is always associated with things like being incompetent, unable to take care of your own problems, being a cry baby, being unable to handle your own life, or just generally being a weak person. He doesn’t want to go to councelling, because he thinks it will somehow strip him of his masculinity and his ability to be a good husband.

If all this started when you got married, maybe you should consider divorce if he isn’t willing to make it work out. Seriously, you can’t possibly be happy with this man.

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