Question by Jonathan: What do you think of my story of the second chapter?
Chapter 2: The Wrath of the Prince

When they got back to their world, they took their helmets and armors off. They returned to their area. In the castle, the magana people celebrated their victory, they were satisfied that the King Umbrados has waged war against the King of Probus and the probosapiens. Umbrados feel like an irresistible warrior. Some had said kind words about him. They thought he did well during the battle.Ursa became silent when she was with him, she had bad thoughts about massakerar and war. She wants to Genoxius would live and return to his kingdom, but it was too late. Eron had a crown which he would give to Umbrados. Eron respected Darmakhon’s loyalty. Umbrados stands strong behind his throne, and proves that he is a king over Darmakhon. “Throughout Darmakhon, you must understand that I am on my honor to do it’s best! Now, I decide like a king! Let us celebrate this battle for everything we have done!” All clapped and participated in Umbrados’ celebration. But the slaves were not allowed to be in the castle and not the probosapiens either. They were locked up in the prison, they were given only bread and water. Sometimes the guards used to hit them hard and take slaves’ food and drink. In the castle Umbrados talked with their friends and with the generals. Ursa just stood there and thought about his grief. “You really are pathetic! Go somewhere else and crying.” said the female warrior Luna to Ursa. “It doesn’t matter what you say.” Ursa responded aggressively. Umbrados and his friends laughed a lot at their jokes. After that he asked Ursa if she wanted to dance with him. “Do you really want to dance with me, my dear? Yes, my friend!” Umbrados and Ursa danced with each other and enjoyed it. They were fond of each other as they danced, and when they looked into each other’s eyes. After the party was over. Everyone went. Later that night, Ursa fell asleep in bed with Umbrados and had nightmares about her husband. In her dream, she saw that Genoxius low to the ground.
 In his dream he shouted. “Ursa! Help me!” “I’m coming!” She ran but it was too late. Suddenly Umbrados behind Genoxius. “No!” “Now he’s going to die!” “NO!” She was frightened and woke up from his dream. She was frightened and woke up from his dream. She fell asleep again and dreamed of something else. In the morning, woke Ursa and Umbrados then stood in the shower. Ursa had planned that she would change the entire planet in peace, if she would be Umbrados’ queen.
When Umbrados had showered clearly saw Ursa at his beautiful eyes and face. “Good morning Ursa! Did you sleep well today?” “I have slept well, thank you.” “Dress nicely now so we can have breakfast and you.” “I want to ask you something.” “What is it?” “Why have you destroyed my planet by going to war?” “Because I wanted to prove that I am a worthy warrior. I saw you and your beauty and I would like you stayed in my kingdom.”
“I’m not here to be with you! I want Genoxius to get me!” “I killed him and death was the only solution, just as my father had told me.” “Forget about your father!” “How dare you say that about my father? He has ruled the world and made many colonies! I do not hear any insults about my father! End of story!” Umbrados shuts the door and was deeply disappointed by Ursa because she was against violence and dictatorship. Umbrados waited to Ursa would come and have breakfast with him. -Sir, everything is served. “Well done.” Ursa came down the stairs and sat on the chair next Umbrados. “It tastes good, right?” Ursa said nothing. “I know you’re upset but I will change everything for you. I do anything.”
“Since you have taken over the throne suffer all the slaves, can not you see it?”

“That was in the past, Ursa. You must know that I will be with you.” Ursa thought he was a bit egotistical to himself, but she forgave him. I must go now to find some new plans for the world. It’s okay, you can go. Ursa went and sat on his throne, and wondered if she could make the planet Darmakhon to a democracy.

Best answer:

Answer by David Bowtie
It’s boring. Just a dry narrative, all telling and no showing.

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