Question by swissmiss: What are the effects of adoption on those who were adopted?
I am doing a large research project at my university on the effects of adoption. I’m hoping some of you will help me out. My younger brother was adopted and we absolutely love him to pieces. There is no doubt he was meant to be part of our family and he feels the same, but sometimes its a difficult thing for him. I realize this is the case for a lot of those who are adopted, but very different for others.

In my research I’m looking for the real affects adoption has on people. I’d like to know if you were adopted from an orphanage, or from foster care or at birth. How does it effect you? How old were you when you were adopted. Do you remember your birth parents? What are your feelings towards them? Do you ever wonder about them? Do you remember finding out you were getting adopted? What was that like? Was it hard adjusting to your new family? Are you glad, or not so much that you were adopted? Does time make it easier? Were you part of a trans racial adoption? How do you feel about your family now? If you lived in an orphanage, what was it like? Does the being adopted affect your life? Do people treat you differently? Do you have a hard time when people ask you about it, or is it not a problem? Do you think adoption is a good or bad thing? Do you have any possessions from before you were adopted?

For some I know being adopted is a blessing, and they feel saved. For others, they wish their birth parents wouldn’t have given them up. Any information you have to share, helps.

You don’t have to answer all the questions, just some suggestions. The information I gather will be posted anonymously in my research.

I really really appreciate your help! Thank you so much!

Best answer:

Answer by julie j
Hi Swissmiss,

All adoption starts with loss. It’s very sad when families are split up for whatever reason (finances, poverty, coercion, etc.) No child really wants to lose their family, nor do any families really want to lose their child. The fact that there are children out there who end up in other families is a clear indication that something tragic has already happened in their family. Their family was not “saved.” The family was not “blessed.” Someone else’s family was instead. Their personal tragedy was exploited so that someone else could benefit from that.

I’d caution against claims that anyone was “meant to be” in a different family than the one in which God placed them. That would mean God made a mistake, and some humans had to “correct” Him, and in so doing, innocent parties had to suffer. Adoption is a man-made institution, not God’s. Jesus would want us to help other families in need, not contribute to tearing them apart.

Adoption always has effects on those who experience it. Some are repressed. Some are more obvious. Some are not fully realized for decades, depending upon their upbringing, the expectations placed upon them, and the messages they are exposed to about adoption. Others should never attempt to speak on behalf of adoptees, and be aware that adoptees’ views will evolve over time. Being an adoptee affects every aspect of an adoptee’s life. It’s a lifelong experience. You never stop being an adoptee.

There are no longer orphanages in the U.S. There are still some in other countries, but the children there usually have at least one living parent or other relative, as orphanages there are used more like care centers for families who need assistance with the basics. Those families & communities need real help there more than they need their children exported permanently around the world. Children in our country who would actually need a new home would be found in foster care. Newborn babies almost never need new homes. It takes lots of money, advertising, recruiting, and “adoption counseling” of expectant mothers (not to mention a lack of ethics) for those in the business of buying/selling babies to make those types of adoptions happen.

To answer some of your other questions, I’ve always known I’m adopted. Have happily been in reunion with my family for over 20 years. No, I did not have anything from before being adopted, but I do now because my mother saved things to give me once we were reunited. Being from the closed era, of course I always wondered! Yes, of course I would have rather stayed with my own family than been adopted to another. Time does not make that any better, it only makes things more clearer the more one learns of adoption. Would YOU trade away YOUR mother & your whole family for a chance at some possible material gain? Me either. No, mine was not trans racial. Yes, adoptees are treated differently when it comes to equal access to their own birth certificates. Depending on individual adoptive families, many adoptees are also treated differently than other members of that family.

Some of the challenges are refuting the adoption propaganda & stereotypes in the media. Adoption is not all win-win-win. Someone’s happiness in adoption always comes at the expense of someone else(s). The media always paints adoptive homes as so much better, and AP’s as perfect, loving people. That’s not always the case. Adoption is never a guarantee of a better life, nor is adoption ever required to provide what any child and his/her family needs. Adoption is a business in which the industry and the adoptive families gain, and the adoptee and his/her family lose. Adoption is about giving up on a family in need and saying they are not worth saving, and that an adoptive family’s wants are more important than a vulnerable child & his/her family’s needs. Children & families deserve so much better than that. Society should become more pro-child and less pro-adoption. Hope this helps your research. Thanks for asking.

julie j
reunited adult adoptee
(stolen, not “given up”)

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