Top Premarital Counseling Questions

If you are trying to make a decision about trying premarital counseling, you may be wondering what to expect. Perhaps you’re excited about working on potential problems before they become major problems in your relationship. Or maybe you own parents got divorced and you want to do everything you can to prevent this from happening to you. Perhaps premarital counseling is required in your state. Or maybe you are just a savvy couple who wants to go into this whole marriage thing with your eyes open. Whatever the reason, it’s really good that you are considering it. Although I may be preaching to the choir here, it’s important to know that research shows that any type of premarital counseling helps minimize the risk of divorce. Any type. So, whether you go to your local religious leader, a therapist in your area, try an online course, or download a premarital app (it really exists!), kudos to you.

You may also be wondering what to expect in premarital counseling. What kind of questions will come up? Will the experience be anxiety-provoking? Embarrassing? Too intrusive? Well, the good news is that most premarital counseling focuses on education and skill-building. Most counselors don’t really focus on deep, dark secrets or really want to get caught up in analyzing your personality. Most premarital counseling sessions ask questions related to the following broad topics:

Communication

The premarital counselor that you choose will almost always want to know about how you both communicate. Not only will the therapist ask you questions about typical communication patterns, but they will want to know how you both communicate in other settings as well (e.g. at work, with you families, etc). The counselor will also assess how you both communicate in the session and will probably make recommendations for improving ways that you communicate. As you can imagine, communication difficulties are some of the most common issues that married couples face. So, hopefully the questions that the therapist will ask and the suggestions that they give will help you improve the way you communicate with each other. These skills will hopefully help you talk about touchy subjects and also respect each other’s style of communicating (if you have differences in this area).

Conflicts and Conflict Resolution

You can also expect to be asked about questions related to how you manage conflicts as a couple. When you have conflicts, does one person tend to withdraw? Does one person tend to attack? Does one person tend to get super rational, while the other gets emotional? What about making up… How does it happen? When does it usually happen? These are just some of the questions and discussions that you are likely to have in premarital counseling. So, hopefully, during this time you can explore how you typically manage conflicts and learn new ways of resolving (or not resolving!) fights.

Financial Values

Good premarital counseling will also delve into your financial goals and values, both individually and as a couple. There are lots of important questions to explore here including questions related to the financial history of each member, financial goals, the impact of financial goals on career decisions and family responsibilities, etc. Unfortunately, a lot of premarital counseling glosses over this issue or doesn’t tackle it at all. Which is really unfortunate because issues about money are one of the top three reasons why couples eventually divorce. What a missed opportunity! Luckily, there are books that you can buy or premarital apps that go through important questions.

Cultural Values

The world really is shrinking in a lot of ways. With the rise of globalization and the ease of travel, many people find themselves attracted to and marrying people with a different cultural upbringing than their own. This is especially relevant in my work with engaged couples – because although I’m American, I live in South Africa and work quite a bit with intercultural couples. Additionally, people with the “same” cultural values can have fundamental differences in other important ways that we often don’t think about (e.g., class differences, regional differences).Thus, premarital counseling would be remiss if it didn’t ask questions related to different cultural values. Different cultural values are often not too big of a deal when couples are dating, but they can become huge issues after marriage if the couple has not adequately explored them and come up with some preliminary compromises. The situation gets even trickier when children enter the picture.

Religious Values

Questions related to religious values are also likely to come up during premarital counseling. Even if the couple shares the same faith – they can have major differences regarding how they practice their religious beliefs. And if the members of the couple have different religious beliefs, then a counselor will likely explore this with even greater depth. Unfortunately, having different religious beliefs is a risk factor for divorcing later (Sorry! Don’t shoot the messenger). Therefore, if you have a different religion than your partner, then exploring important questions surrounding this difference is crucial during premarital counseling.

Family Histories

A premarital counselor is also likely to ask important questions related to your individual family histories. Depending on the counselor and the circumstances related to your relationship, different counselors will approach this in different ways. For example, some premarital counselors have an orientation toward asking in depth questions related to your individual family history, while others tend to focus on present day family relationships instead. Either way, it’s a good idea to go through questions related to your families during premarital counseling.

Relationship History

Premarital counseling will also explore questions surrounding your relationship history together and individually. A counselor may want to get an in depth picture of what factors brought the two of you together in order to explore the strengths as well as possible challenges that you may face as a couple. The counselor may also want to know about important relationships that either of you have had in the past as well. However, most premarital counseling will not explore past loves with too much depth (unless these relationships are affecting your current relationship).

So, hopefully you have a better sense of what kinds of questions to expect in premarital counseling. Good luck with your engagement – it is truly a wonderful time in a relationship!

 

 

Premarital Counseling Questions – www.ConnectionCare.com presents premarital counseling questions you may be asked in counseling and premarital counseling questions you should discuss with you partner. Visit our website to take a premarital test and to find out about premarital counseling in Indianapolis, IN.