Question by Avery Waters: My grandma is dying. How do I cope with the pain?
I love my grandma so much. She has ling cancer and is down to her final hours. I’m so sad, I wanna kill my self just to be with her, or start cutting or something. My eyes are burning because I’ve been crying for an hour and I hurt like physically. How do I help the pain stop?

Best answer:

Answer by Jerry
Print for later: Some suggestions, and resources: See: http://www.cmha.ca/bins/content_page.asp?cid=284-1007-1110-1111-1144&lang=1 Call: The Grief Recovery Institute (U.S.A.) 1-800-445-4808, or Hospice (phone book). Email [email protected] Chatrooms and forums: http://www.chatmag.com/topics/health/grief.html & http://talkingminds.15.forumer.com & http://messageboards.ivillage.com Other websites: www.griefnet.org & www.griefcounselor.org & http://www.recover-from-grief.com/grief-websites.html & www.helpguide.org & http://www.groww.com/ & www.mental-health-abc.com & www.boblivingstone.com/?q=node30 & www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk There is a grief support group at: http://dailystrength.org Also try Groups, at Myspace.com and Yahoo.com & Google.com At www.mind.org.uk type “grief” in the taskbar, and enter. Helping others grieve, and helping children grieve are some topics at: http://www.crisiscounseling.com/TraumaLoss/1TraumaLossGrief.htm Understand that there are often several stages of grief. Those stages are: Denial: The initial stage: “It can’t be happening.” Anger: “Why ME? It’s not fair?!” (either referring to oneself, anybody, or anything perceived, rightly or wrongly, as “responsible”) Bargaining: “Just let me live to see my son graduate.” Depression: “I’m so sad, why bother with anything?” Acceptance: “It’s going to be alright. Growth: Grief is a chance for personal growth. For many people, it may eventually lead to renewed energy to invest in new activities and new relationships. Some people seek meaning in their loss and get involved in causes or projects that help others. They may find a new compassion in themselves as a result of the pain they have suffered. They may become more sensitive to others, thus enabling richer relationships. Others find new strength and independence they never knew they had. After the loss, they find new emotional resources that had not been apparent beforeKübler-Ross originally applied these stages to any form of catastrophic personal loss (job, income, freedom). This also includes the death of a loved one and divorce.

Kübler-Ross also claimed these steps do not necessarily come in order, nor are they all experienced by all patients, though she stated a person will always experience at least two. See www.amazon.com for books on the various stages. Professional advice is to set aside 5 – 10 mns daily, and during that time, focus on all the memories and feelings involved. If you are sad; cry. If you are angry; punch a pillow. At the end of that time, go on with other things, and if such thoughts or memories come to mind, just write them down in a notebook for the next day’s session. This may well accelerate the grieving process. After a while, consider making a photoalbum/scrapbook and/or a shrine, in remembrance, and set aside; say; one day every month, perhaps on a significant date, (for example; the 17th, or the second thursday) on which to reflect. Many religious organisations offer counselling, or you may feel more comfortable with a therapist, to express your thoughts, and feelings. Journalling may help in this. Celebrate that life; be thankful for the experience, and remember the good times. Practice a relaxation method, daily, and when needed, such as: http://altmedicine.about.com/cs/mindbody/a/Meditation.htm it enables awareness, and a way of being, without emotional suffering, and helps you through the more difficult times in life. Try your bookstore, or Amazon.com for: Redemption of the Shattered: A Teenager’s Healing Journey Through Sandtray Therapy by Bob Livingstone LCSW Livingstone, B. (2002), boblivingstone.com ~~~ Beyond Grief: A guide for recovering from the death of a loved one; and: Men and grief: A guide for men surviving the death of a loved one, New Harbinger Productions Inc. 5674 Shattock Ave, Oakland, CA 94609 Phone: 1-800-784-6273 ~~~ James, J. W. & Friedman, R. (1998). The Grief Recovery Handbook, Collins. ~~~ Grollman, E. (1995). Living when a Loved One has Died, Beacon Press. ~~~ Livingstone, B. (Planned August, 2007) A Music I No Longer Heard: The Early Death of a Parent by Leslie Simon and Jan Johnson Drantell & The Body-Mind-Soul Solution: Healing Emotional Pain through Exercise, Pegasus Books. Tatelbaum, J. The Courage to Grieve. Creative Living, Recovery and Growth through Grief. New York: Harper & Row. (1980). ~~~ Roth, Deborah, ed. Stepping Stones to Grief Recovery. Santa Monica: IBS Press.(1987). ~~~ Coping with Grief by Mal McKissock and Dianne McKissock, ABC Books & Audio. 2001 Hypnosis is merely a heightened state of suggestibility, in which you are better able to communicate with your subconscious mind. 85% of people are suggestible, to some degree, so you could either seek professional hypnotherapy, or more alternatives along such lines are at http://your-mental-health.8m.com/blank_25.html

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