Question by Fstah06: Is there hope for my marriage?
In 2008 when I was 4 months pregnant with my son I found out my husband had been lying to me about various things throughout our 8yr relationship. I found out about his internet “friends” that happened to be all women, I read some sexual private messages to some of these “friends” on a friendster acct i didn’t even know he had. I found out that he talked to these women on the phone many times at night when he was “working late”. He also used his working lunch to call them but was too busy to call me. I found out he even added international calling to our phone plan to keep in touch with one of his friends in Canada. I found out he sent money to some of his friends even though we were close to being evicted. I found out he has was calling asian prostitutes he found off craigslist when I left him for a few months. We already had a daughter by this time. Oh the things i’ve found out about him. He is also an closet alcoholic and pill popper. I would notice his strange behavior but since my husband does such a great job of playing the “nice, i’ll never hurt a fly” guy that I never imagined he was doing these things behind my back. I caught him by going through our cell phone records and logging into his AIM (no i wasn’t messaging his friends, but waited until they messaged him). Everything hit the fan when he left his cell phone home one day and he received a text from a “work” contact, in which this woman proceeded to call me a psycho. He never defended me to these people and his family ,who also seem to think i have issues based on lies he’s told, but he claims to have stopped talking to these people. He claims that he talked to these women to deal with my anger outbursts and my mood swings. He made me out to be some crazy women. I was acting with such rage because he was taking money from me, leaving me at home with no transportation, ruining my credit and left me completely isolated with no where to go after I had our daughter. I was mad as hell and felt like a prisoner.I left him because I hated the angry person I was becoming. I offered to go to anger management and asked him to do couples counseling for many many years. He took my behavior and used it as an excuse to play the victim to all these women he was talking to instead of actually taking my advice of doing professional counseling. Of course, while he was getting “counseling” from his friends, I was at home isolated and confused as to why he wasn’t taking any of my advice. I took myself and my daughter out of state after that text message. I was having panic attacks. I didn’t think this was the best environment for me considering I was pregnant. After our son was born I returned.
In the past two years he seems to have made an honest effort to change and tells me he loves me, helps with every aspect of the house chores and is great with the kids. The problem is I don’t trust him. I have a lot of anger toward him and honestly my heart isn’t it anymore. I don’t have any interest in putting any effort into our relationship. I really don’t like him much. He’s great with the kids and I’m trying to figure out an arrangement in which our kids have us both in their lives without me having to see his face. He doesn’t want a divorce and keeps acting as if he’s in denial of the reality that I really don’t want this marriage. If I feel totally detached from this relationship, is there hope that anything can fix it? Is it possible for me to let him in my life again, if I feel nothing but resentment toward him? If it makes a difference, i’m currently a stay at home mom but had a professional job before becoming a mom.

Best answer:

Answer by Lester
the guys a loser

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