Question by In Bloom: I am suicidal and everyone around me is insane, help?
I am 19 soon and I have struggled for so long with mental illness, for my whole life. I had a horrible childhood. My mother is very unstable and crazy, constantly blaming me for everything wrong in her life and accusing me of scheming against her. All her friends and my whole family thinks I am a terrible person who is trying to hurt my mother any way I can – they all think I ego trip them; the only sane person is my younger brother, and they all think that I have him, and I quote “wrapped around my finger”. Like I’m manipulating his thoughts so that he agrees with me. He’s the one normal person in my family, but I can see it’s even taking a toll on him.

It makes me so depressed and suicidal all the time. I have barely any friends, I’m so insecure and self-loathing that I can’t keep together any sort of life, and I feel completely empty and alone. I don’t know who I am, no one understands me. I am the scapegoat in my family, they are constantly abusing me and I can’t take it anymore. I spend most of my time planning where I will commit suicide.

My dad died and my mother and everyone who “supports” her is a complete lunatic. I don’t have the mental energy to hold down a job or get education, I feel completely worthless, there is no point in trying because no one loves me, I have no romantic luck or anything. It’s all a complete joke, I wake up each morning crying and screaming at how ridiculous my life is.

On Friday I came to my mom telling her how depressed and suicidal I am, and she was so adamant about getting me help and how she loves me blah blah. Then on Saturday and Sunday she and her friends all ganged up on me and accused me of being a horrible manipulation person trying to mess with them. I didn’t do anything like that. I walked away from them and spent the whole night crying, phoned the suicide hotline, and I still feel like I should just go kill myself.

Best answer:

Answer by Mum Mum
Talk to a doctor !

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