Question by Kasey: How to teach your child to enjoy the little things?
I’m pregnant and when my child is born I basically want to raise them the opposite how I was raised lol…I want them to enjoy the little things, be focused on being happy, be humble and positive.

I was raised with a very loving family- but I ALWAYS heard about money problems, family problems, negative things. I’ve known this for while, but my mom even admitted it to me, when someone has a problem in the family and you ask for advice you’ll either get “go take a xanax, go out and have a drink, or you need to go to counseling” I don’t want my kid to be raised like that…

I feel absolutely clueless when it comes to how I ideally want to raise my kid. Yes, I am very young and pregnant (ill be 18 next month) so my parents are still raising me.
I just don’t want my child to be so negative like my boyfriend and I…

Any advice? Thank you!

Best answer:

Answer by Sarah Louise
You know what? You will be fine because you recognise that this aspect of your parents was not good for you and when people are aware of things like this, they do not repeat them. Also every new parent feels clueless about child raising – even if they are 35 and have loads of experience with kids. The people like you who think about the effect their actions will have on their children can never go too far wrong because they question themselves and learn from experience.

Children need to feel loved, liked, protected and given boundaries so you tell them you love them. When they do something good, you tell them ‘You are being very kind/helpful/sensible’ and when they do something bad you tell them that the thing they did was unkind/difficult/silly but you make sure you do not tell themTHEY are unkind etc but that the things they did were. You involve them in problems in an age appropriate way – don’t go too far the other way and shield them from everything but tell them ‘We don’t have lots of money at the moment so we need to do fun things which don’t cost much like go to the park’ or ‘Auntie so and so is feeling sad at the moment because she and uncle so and so can’t be together anymore so give her lots of cuddles.’

Have some set routines and expectations to make them feel safe. This is also good for discipline – if your child knows there is a TV programme in the morning, a treat at 11, a game after lunch, a story in the afternoon etc then you can take these things away for bad behaviour and they will learn. You can also have all sorts of fun rewards for good behaviour which don’t cost money or have sugar. My daughter’s favourite rewards were being swung around and gently dropped on the sofa and doing row row the boat! Encourage them to talk to you by talking about your own feelings in an age appropriate way. Say ‘I feel a bit cross with myself for forgetting that.’ ‘I am sad that this happened. ‘I am very excited about going here’ ‘ I’m scared of that spider. Isn’t that silly? It can’t hurt me.’ This puts names to feelings your child will experience and will then naturally tell you. You will not always be a perfect mother but this will not scar your child if you acknowledge it. Its fine to say ‘I’m sorry I was being grumpy this morning. I felt very tired.’ Then they know its not them and they understand.

Also if you want to encourage a sense of fun and the joy of life in your child, do silly fun things with them – go and splash in puddles and walk on walls, make things with playdough, get down on the floor and get messy. Just let your child know that you like them and enjoy their company and have some fun together. This does not have to be 24/7 – they also need to learn to enjoy their own company and to respect your need for some time to yourself – but if your child has special time with you which they know you enjoy and they know that whatever happens, you will deal with it, it is not their responsibility and they know the rules and feel safe in them they will be a happy, self absorbed little person as they should be. Then recognise your child as a person and respond to the person they are. You will be fine.
I expect you have been warned about the hormones after birth when you may feel very vulnerable and overwhelmed? I am thinking that this might be hard on you as you are quite a thoughtful person. This lasts two weeks – bursting into tears a lot and feeling you will never cope is quite normal and it passes. Then you may begin to feel a bit low if you are stuck at home in a routine which is a bit dull. This is where baby groups and making sure you make time for yourself is important – establish a nap routine so you get a couple of hours to yourself. Try to get a babysitter once a week and see a friend. Try to make friends with other young people with babies. Good luck. 🙂

What do you think? Answer below!

 

 

Family Counseling : How to Deal With a Difficult Child – A difficult child may seem downright defiant about not doing what you’ve told, begged or ordered them to do, but you can deal with the issue by setting clear…

 

Open for Business

Filed under: family counseling

The office provides individual and family counseling and mentoring. It also offers workshops, training and retreat services. "I have a passion for helping people and, I believe, a calling from God to do so," Sena said. Sena, who has provided counseling …
Read more on Pueblo Chieftain

 

ECU course trains counselors to work with military and family

Filed under: family counseling

New this Spring, ECU students can enroll in "Military and Trauma Counseling." The online course incorporates 30-minute interviews with service members, veterans and their families. They tell personal stories of tragedy and triumph. Stebnicki is using …
Read more on WNCT

 

At your service

Filed under: family counseling

Catholic Charities: Marital, family, individual counseling, pregnancy and adoption counseling and family emergency assistance services. 386-255-6521. Center for the Visually Impaired: Classes, training and support groups. 800-227-1284. Center for …
Read more on Daytona Beach News-Journal