Question by Rach: How to deal with depression as a young mom?
I had my daughter when I was 17, I am now 18 and she is almost 8 months old. Her dad is more or less not in the picture right now. He loves her, but he has his own problems to deal with right now. Any time he wants to see her, I have to drive to him, and he lives 30-45 minutes away. (And I don’t leave them together, so it’s not as if that’s my “me” time.)

I breastfeed, so my daughter and I are ALWAYS together. Maybe once or twice a month I get the chance to run to the store without her, but only if I’m going across the street to pick up milk or something of the sort. I’ve never hung out with a friend without her and I don’t know anyone my age with kids.

My mom works full time, so she can’t help very much. She has my younger siblings to look after, so helping with my daughter is not a priority. She asks me to help out around the house, and I do as much as I can, but I feel as if there’s only so much I can get done in my day. My daughter is not a napper. She probably spends 1-2 hours a day napping, MAX. I feel like my mom is constantly disappointed with what I haven’t done.

I’m so lucky that I have a place for my daughter to live, but I wish there was some way for me to make money. Unfortunately, I’m the only one home all day, and no one could watch her at night while I go to work. I do babysit here and there, but I have nothing consistent.

I feel selfish for making it about me, so I don’t say anything to my mom (usually.) But I am so irritated with only getting to shower every few days. I’m so jealous of my friends who get to work and go to school. I’m so angry that my daughter’s father gets to spend all his money on himself, when I spend everything on my daughter. (I have money saved up from working and baby sitting that I use to buy clothes, toys, food, etc.)

Lately, I have been miserable. Sometimes I hate life, but I also know I brought it upon myself. I feel so guilty, because I love my daughter so, so much. I can usually be fun and happy for her, and people tell me that I’m the best mother. But sometimes when she’s smiling or laughing at me, I feel like I’m in another world and I can’t even be present with her. I can’t just “go to therapy.” It’s not an option right now due to financial strain.

I’m also scared about my future. I want to finish college, but so far I have only finished one class. (I do have my high school diploma, which I got before I was even pregnant.) I don’t know how I’ll ever go to school and I’m terrified of not finishing college.

My mom can’t really relate to me. She was in her 30s, college educated, and wanted children when she got pregnant.

Best answer:

Answer by boystownhotline
I’m so glad you reached out. You need to take care of yourself. You need to be healthy for yourself especially because your frustration and depression can have an impact your relationship with your baby. Honestly, if your daughter’s father wants to see her, he should make the effort. You have enough that you have to do already. You can accomplish things that you want, you just have to adjust the way you originally planned.

Please don’t hesitate to call us at the Boys Town National Hotline. Counselors are available 24/7 at 1-800-448-3000. We can be a good listening ear, can provide referrals to resources, and help with parenting concerns.

LF, Counselor
Boys Town National Hotline

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