Question by Holly: How do I live a life with no friends and when the quality is severely lacking?
After a long look at my life and some serious thought, I am succumbing to loneliness and depression. I am a 25 year old female and it has just been one thing after another. I lacked friends back in school, but now, I have absolutely no friends. I got divorced at 24. I live with my parents and my 2 year old. After spending 4 months in a hospital, my daughter even prefers my parents to me. It’s heartbreaking to have your own child tell you to go away and cry when you take her. My parents and I don’t really communicate and I have to pretend to be alright just because of my history.

I’ve struggled with depression and self injury since I was 13. Suffered from auditory hallucinations since 16. Been on just about every medication out there. Hospitalized over 20 times. Attempted suicide twice. Currently I am doing ECT, or commonly know as “shock therapy” – and the memory loss from it is awful. I am refusing further treatments and the medication.

Even as a little kid I was miserable. My parents were alcoholics, my father used to abuse my mom. There was lots of anger and I learned to distrust people from an early age. I was sexually assaulted and beaten. So I’ve grown to be a fairly insecure, shy, negative person. I have panic attacks in social settings.

I live in a small town. Having lots of tattoos, I get lots of bizarre looks and am avoided. I’m not the prettiest gal out there, and I have an edgier style.

I don’t drive. I didn’t get far in school (10th grade). I spend all my time at home and caring for my daughter.

I’m tired of having no friends. It’s tearing me apart. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve tried to make friends. It just has failed. And the more I go with out, the worse my social anxiety becomes. The desire, and my fears just don’t mix.

Clearly I’m a little screwed up. People don’t understand me. I’m severely depressed and lonely. It just feels like game over. How do I find purpose? How do I make friends, does someone like me even deserve or make a good friend? I’m questioning whether I should carry on living. The only thing that keeps me going is my daughter, but even that is getting hard now that she has pushed away. Please help

Best answer:

Answer by ?
don’t give up

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