Question by next_steps: How do I get my wife to *want* to divorce me?
Long story short. We have craptastic marriage. We married too young, have nothing in common aside from two adorable kids and can’t agree on just about anything. We’ve almost split up before but obviously never went through with it. There’s no amount of compromise that will get us to agree on the most basic things like how to talk to each other, spending money or what we want in the future. She point blank said,” I resent you, cant stand you and cant believe I threw away everything to marry you. I could have been someone and done something with my life.” Her words.

So I suggested splitting up which makes sense I regret everything that happened, but we cant turn back time and undo it. We’re still young, she’s younger, early 30s and the kids are in elem school full time and becoming more independent.

Problem is she wont look forward and is just dwelling on the past. She’s also afraid that I’m going to win custody and use too much of the crap she has done against her (and there IS evidence that would really not look good if I did anything with it) I don’t want to drag her through the mud, just want her to go somewhere else in this large city and figure out what she wants to make of her life without us reminding her day in and out of her past. I don’t mind sharing custody her, letting the stay over even go out of state on vacation. She hates the neighborhood we live in, but the apartment is affordable and rent controlled, the area pretty safe and the school excellent. Plus she wants to experience of being young and single…I could care less.

Yet she won’t consider divorce. I’m not in a position to force it on her and given her emotional state, I wouldnt want to either. On the other hand if she gets something in her head that she wants to do, then she WILL make a strong effort to go through with it. But we can’t keep living like this either.

Do marriage therapists help couples split up? What else could I do to get her to want to end it? Mature suggestions please. Oh and an affair…that won’t cut it either. Been there, done that. (both of us). It didnt work. Bottomline: it has to be *her* idea…
Oh and you young kids in love, thinking of getting married in your teens or early twenties: DON’T DO IT. Try and grow as an individual first.

Best answer:

Answer by Snow
sit her down talk nto her, tell her all of what she could do and what you could do if you were divorced. Tell her how easier it would be on the kids if they stopped seeing you fight (or hearing you for that matter), tell her how miserable you are together and how you could both switch your life around if you were single again, and if all else fails then get some enjoyment from new affairs XP

Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!

Larry Nash –