Question by snapessxy: How do I communicate to my parents without getting angry or over emotional?
First of all, I really love both my parents a lot and I know they love me. This is difficult to explain but I’m going to do my best in as few lines as possible. Basically, I’m 19-years-old and I’ve been suffering with depression off and on since high school. I finally reached out for help in February and was placed in a partial hospitalization program for roughly three weeks. I’m now taking an anti-depressant and seeing a therapist weekly. My therapist and I have concluded that mine is a self-esteem based depression/anxiety. Despite making several exhaustive attempts to explain how I feel to my parents and even having her do a session with them, my mom especially seems totally unable to comprehend anything. Today we were talking and I brought up the session. I asked her if she felt more understanding now of my issues and she literally said that my counsellor “told her nothing”. Then she went on to recount everything she said and it was exactly what I had thought…

(Continued)
It was so clear, but all my mother had managed to take away from it was that “I have no self-esteem”. Now, I KNOW my therapist would never come out and say something that cut and dry, it’s 100% my mom. My mom is loving and means the best but she has no tact whatsoever when it comes to my feelings. She’s completely blunt and it’s not always truthful. I think all she and my dad sees is a girl who is wasting her time not doing much of anything right now and it’s a shame. It’s a one dimensional view that HURTS ME TO THE CORE. They don’t see that I struggle night and day to stay afloat in the sinking vessel that truly is my life, they don’t see how dead and ashamed and pained I feel. Every time I try to explain why I’ve been depressed I always get so angry or distressed and retreat somewhere else. I just can’t seem to communicate this horrible jumble of emotions.

Best answer:

Answer by huck_99
First of all, you seem very intelligent and well-written for 19 year old. Good for you.

Secondly, your mom sounds like she’s a bit on the self-absorbed side (not at all unique these days) and she sees every problem you have as a failure on her part to raise you properly. She takes everything wrong with you as a personal slap in the face.

My two cents: See if you can get into therapy with your mom. You need to build a team with your parents and together beat this. Depression really sucks. I know. Sometimes you have to care about others more than yourself to dig your way out of it.

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