Question by RC: has anybody else lost a parent or both at a young age?
Im 25. my dad just died of a rare cancer called multiple myeloma on november 23rd 2010. my mom passed away when i was a very small child. my dad and his parents raised me after. my grandpa died when i was 6 and my grandma died in january 2008. Sadly, my dad was diagnosed with his cancer the week after her funeral. for the almost three years he had it. i helped his wife out as his caretaker. she had to remain working so her health insurance could cover my dads cancer care. he only remarried when i was 19 going on 20; so, we were VERY close. he was all i had.my moms family havent really been a part of my life. i have one uncle but he and his wife live states away. my stepmother and her family are nice but since my dad married her only in 2004, we werent that close. they have been good to me through this but i do not see them regularly since my father passed away. my friends are pretty immature and have not experienced death yet in their lives. i think they expect me to go back to the happy jovial person i was prior to this loss..but it cannot happen. this was a life changing event watching my only parent, my best friend, my hero, my rock, and the only person i have in the world who loves me unconditionally and who i love uncondtitionally as well pass away. my dads last words to me were “nobody will love you as much as i do, kiddo. i love you so much and i know you love me. you are all i have. you are my energy”. I did my best to be the best daughter and friend i could be to him. i held it together for him and tried to soothe and comfort him even when he broke down and cried in front of me for the first time in my life and told me he was dying last october. I picked him up off the floor, wiped the tears from his eyes, the blood from his mouth as cancer at away at him, made him laugh, brought him his favorite foods, gave him care. I tried to do all i could for him but watching him die was….unbelievably painful and soul shaking. It is unbearable to watch the person you love most in the world fall apart and die before your eyes while you sit there rendered powerless. it is a life changing experience. i have grown up to say the least and matured more. I have seen the worst possible fear that i have ever imagined come true right before my eyes….losing my daddy. After he lost his wife, he was a wreck. It shook him to his core and devestated him. he found my stepmother later in life and i was happy to see him find peace. it is unfathomable to me that life came back and gave him this final “gift” and took all of that away from him through death. he was a fighter though. he never gave up and fought it till the end, all 6 foot 5 inches and 225 pounds of him. my friends think i will be fixed like magic…they tell me that im “not the same person anymore” and im “no fun anymore”. my best friend even called me selfish for not going out to the clubs with him and a group of friends on new years eve and stood me up for lunch the next day citing that i “bring people down with my mood and i have changed”. my true friends are those ive known for years and they live far away in various places throughout the US. i talk to them by phone but its tough with no true friends. I think my former friends are just 20 somethings living in the moment and are all about having fun. they have their families and pretty stable lives. they have not had their faith shook like i have. i dont expect them to understand but i thought they would have more patience and compassion than this. it hurts very much. i feel like a 50 year old in a 25 year old’s body.

there is a song by lights called “drive my soul” and i think of my dad when i hear it. i feel like the light and hope in my life died with him. dealing with this grief alone is unbearable. i know people say “go to god” or “find a grief group” or “go to a grief counselor” and yes, i do. it helps somewhat but i havent met anyone in my age group who experienced something similar to my situation yet.

sometimes i think about ending my life. mostly at night. in the daytime, there is work and school and light and people bustling and its ok. at night, im alone. nothing but darkness. silence. my own thoughts. relieving my fathers death. my life flashing before my eyes, and hes in every second of it. i cant bear living a life without him or my family. people say, someday you will have a spouse and kids but it isnt that easy.

what are some other peoples experiences? how did you make it through? im afraid if i dont do something soon to help dig myself out of this deep dark whole, depression will win out and i wont be here any longer. i dont want that but i feel powerless.
and nope. i have no siblings. my moms family are mostly distant and have been my whole life. my grandparents are deceased and my moms mother has alzheimers and doesnt know who i am. its just me. i have my uncle and his wife on my dads side and his first cousins. but they dont live around me.

Best answer:

Answer by misst09
that’s really sad. i’ve never lost anyone close to me so i can’t say i relate to you. but i really do think you should try to talk to someone. do you have health insurance? maybe speaking with a psychologist or taking some antidepressants will help. i’m sorry about what has happened to you. i’m 23 and i feel very lost a lot in life, but i feel selfish now, because i could never imagine not having my family every day. good luck.

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