I want to share with you my passion for couples EFT. Maybe you are reading this because you are considering help for your relationship or perhaps you are a practitioner considering facilitating couples sessions. I hope this article gives you an idea what to expect.

The reasons for seeking couples help are varied. Often, it boils down to a challenge with communication and the resulting negative emotion that has gradually built up over time. Sometimes, it is because of infidelity, deceit, unfairness, or considering whether to split up or stay together.

You may well ask what is so special about EFT for couples compared to the more commonly-known talk methods. There are a number of advantages.

With many kinds of talk therapy, the two parties are led towards a compromise. A compromise is certainly a solution that works. However, it may involve resentment and sacrifice. This is neither ideal for the relationship nor the feelings of the individuals.

Many couples’ differences arise from the negative emotions of the two individuals concerned. EFT has the power to completely remove these negative emotions. When they are out of the way, the person can think more clearly and logically. They can see the full picture rather than just their side of it. This is mirrored by their ensuing behavior, which in turn is more encouraging of caring behavior by their partner.

Some individuals unwittingly bring extreme suffering from childhood into their relationships. Talk therapy is more about management of this suffering and its consequences in terms of feelings and behavior. EFT can totally release all the childhood trauma for an individual, thereby removing the root causes of the relationship discord.

Some couple trouble involves deceit, blame, and resentment. Whilst one party is feeling (justifiably) resentful and angry for the other’s misdemeanours, it is impossible to have peace and caring loving in the relationship. EFT can release the root causes of the deceitful partner’s actions. And it gently and safely helps release the feelings of resentment and blame from the hurt partner. This allows the couple a fresh start in every sense.

Regardless of method of conflict resolution, all couples have disagreements and arguments from time to time. A couple can learn a simple form of tapping to diffuse the intensity of an argument and lead naturally towards a calm resolution whenever needed.

EFT involves stimulation of certain acupressure points whilst using special wording. It works on the principle that the cause of any negative emotion (and any ensuing behavior) is a disruption in the body’s energy system. Although this may seen far out there to some, divorce or separation can be a costly and messy business, so it is easy to accept this strange tapping thing.

I usually start by taking a background history, introducing EFT, and doing a practice run. Then I facilitate or lead as the partners self-EFT together. Sometimes, (if appropriate) I may ask the partners to do a round of EFT on each other. I give each person exact instructions in what to say and where to tap and both must tap at the same time, even if only one is speaking. This takes any power struggle between the partners out of the session situation completely. EFT tapping is usually very relaxing for any tapper, so it is easy for the partners to simply follow instructions and let their energies re-balance. I stop after a few rounds to get feedback from one or both partners and then continue facilitating the tapping using this feedback. At the end of the session, the couple is in agreement about something and it feels like the air in the room is lighter. Couples often arrive looking tense and leave smiling.

People do not normally do an internet or phone book search for couples EFT. They usually look for couples counselling or couples psychotherapy. For a fortunate few, they have experienced EFT already for another issue and so naturally prefer to use couples EFT. For example, a client who had already been to see me for something else contacts me for a couples session. A very small minority of couples psychotherapists or counsellors use EFT, so one can also be introduced to couples EFT by lucky chance.

Practitioners I know that do couples work do it in person together or one-by-one over the phone or internet. However, there is no reason why it cannot be done via video link such as Skype if needed.

If you are looking to improve your relationship or to find a way to split up more amicably, try contacting a few EFT practitioners and ask if they do couples work. And if you are a practitioner thinking of venturing into this field, I highly recommend it. My spouse and I use EFT in our own marriage; not just for conflict resolution, but also for tapping on each other when needed. It really is amazing.

 

 

Dr Dattilio on CBT for Couples. Psychotherapy Training Video. – www.psychotherapydvds.com Watch this seminar with Dr Frank M.Dattilio on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) for Couples. Psychotherapy Training Video. Buy full version at PsychotherapyDVDs.com

 

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