Question by Ivy Veleno: my “depression???” is killing my relationship… help?
i don’t know if i’m clinically depressed. i’ve never seen a therapist or psychologist or anything. but i’ve had a looonnnnggg history of being bullied, feeling worthless, neglected. i started hurting myself when i was 13.
i’m 20 now. i’ve been going out with my boyfriend for almost 4 and a half years
we have yet to have a “good year”
the first year we had to keep everything secret because of his crazy ex
the second year there were rumors that he cheated on me with 3 different girls, so i had a lot of trouble trusting him… i also had sex with him when i really wasnt ready this year
the third year was probably close to good, but i started having really big mood swings and periods of sadness
for the 4th year he was away at another school in a different state, while i started college and i barely saw him. i broke down on a daily basis without him due to feelings of constant rejection- or maybe just a total lack of confidence and self esteem. i couldnt find anyone to give a shit about me. all my friends vented to problems to me, but they would never hear me out. i didn’t have such a great support system. never did.
the following months, even though he’s home now, almost everything gets me agitated or upset. i keep getting sad over what seems like nothing. i’ve become so mean and nasty to him.
i hardly ever want to be close to him, or kiss him. when we hang out, i just buy him some big sandwiches and then we sit on the couch and watch movies. if i sleep over, i dont even let him touch me. every time he tries to initiate, i tell him to stop.
there are only a handful of times where everything went spectacularly. but about 90% of the time (especially more recently after some bad gyno experiences) i wind up crying because it hurts me, or i’m not comfortable, or i feel obligated, or i just feel like a complete failure because i never really learned how to “do” anything. i just kind of lay there like an extra pillow. i’m boring…. then i cry even more because i can’t satisfy him, i’m a disappointment. i can’t make myself like it.
he’s very VERY sexual and almost always ready to go… and now i’m this depressed, moody, frigid cold fish that doesn’t even want to kiss him.
i love him tremendously, and he loves me too. he’s been telling me that he’ll stay with my no matter what. but yesterday was especially bad and we almost broke up- or atleast took a break. and he swore that would never happen. he’s telling me that i’ve become predictable and unbearable, and frankly he just can’t take me anymore.

and i feel bad for him. i know i’ve become such a pain in the butt, and i’m probably sucking all the energy out of him, and he shouldn’t have to put up with someone like me.
but we’re both staying together out of pure love, caring and maybe stubbornness.

i don’t know what to do anymore.

Best answer:

Answer by _paixnirvana
get over yourself. jesus you people drive me insane. journal or something. you complain boo hoo noone ever listens to me while you type this out onto a computer for millions to see at any given time so you can feel better and like someone actually cares.
shut up.
no one is going to give you the attention you feel you deserve, hate to break it to you. so get over yourself or whatever, because you don’t need pills to make you feel better about yourself.

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