Question by bugaboo: How do you live with someone suffering from chronic pain?
My husband has been suffering from chronic pain for the past few years. It can be very depressing to be around. The pain has become a third person in our marriage. He has taken antidepressants but they have sexual side efects. A lot of times I feel like he’s mad at me but he isn’t. It’s just the pain consuming his life. The kids think he’s always in a bad mood. I asked him how he was this morning and he snapped at me asking “how does it look like I feel??”

I understand the “in sickness and in health” part, but at some point do I start to feel resentment for not being happy as well?

I made a mistake and had an affair, but am in the process of ending that. He’s just as miserable and depressed about the state of his life (no job, no $ ) as my husband is. Are all men this miserable?

Any ideas on how to cope? I don’t want to resent him later in life for taking all the happiness away. I’m in my mid 30’s and this has been going on for 4 years.
Has fibromyalgia, neuritis, tarsal tunnel, etc. Is taking 3200 mg a day of Neurontin for pain.

Best answer:

Answer by webserfun
First of all, you have added to the complexities of your situation by cheating on your husband. To bring that into the open will further damage his mental state… That is , the depression. At this point, I would wait to confess, and focus on his current situation. This may or may not be the best advice. It just seems that telling him would not do much for the situation right now.

Chronic pain, is a difficult thing. I have dealt with it, and I can speak from experience, it is easy to crawl into a shell so to speak..
The answers are simple to discuss, but to do them is another story. And success rates vary.
You did not address the cause of his chronic pain.. but.

First, he needs to start exercising to the level that is comfortable.
Second, he needs to eat a diet that will support healing.
Third, with his doctor, he needs to find another therapy that does not effect the physical issues you describe.

If he is on pain medication such as Vicodin, or Oxycontin… His pain may be emotionally created to justify taking the pills. Addiction is a strong opponent to change.

He has to make some decisions, and you have to support him by both suggestion and coping through this tough time.

Counseling might help with the depression, and you might consider going with him.

Again, this is a long discussion, and is best handled by a professional, which he needs to enlist the help of.

Don’t let things ride. Make him confront the problem and address the ideas of what can make his quality of life better, and hence yours.

Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!

 

 

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