Question by Ari Marie: Drug using loved one: Someone please help!?
My fiancee has a drug problem. He grew up with a father who did coke and a sister who did heroin, so his marijuana problem doesn’t seem like such a problem to him or anyone else in his family. I grew up in a drug free household with a cop for a grandfather and a father who grew up around people who were brought down by drugs and alcohol.
He was older than me, but we clicked. He made me happpy and I didn’t want to be without him, and he felt the same way. I was offered drugs many times throughout my childhood and the thought never crossed my mind that I could say yes until I met him. He told me he wouldn’t stop smoking for me, and maybe I just thought ‘Well, if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em’, but I tired it. And I liked it. I liked the feeling. I liked that in his crowd of friends – all older than me – I finally felt like I fit in. But it didn’t feel right. I knew right from wrong and I knew this was wrong. I convinced myself that if I knew what he was going through, I would have an easier time helping him stop. But I got addicted to.
When I met him, he was a heavy user and had a really bad alcohol problem. He was arrested many times for possesion and being under the influence. He had thousands of dollars in fines he couldn’t afford to pay because he couldn’t keep a job and had been to jail five times. So, I wanted to help him turn his life around. I got him a job with my father and convinced him to get rid of some of his friends. And I convinced him that he coulodn’t turn his life around if he didn’t stop smoking and he stopped…for a few months. But at that point I had already had a taste, so when he wanted to smoke a blunt with his summer friends “one last time”, he didn’t get much of a fight from me. ASnd one turned into many and we were smoking again. Now he was holding a job and paying bills and fines…and smoking…all at the same time. My arguement was blown to bits. He was doing good and still smoking on the side.
But because he wasn’t high all the time like he used to be, he was irritable and mean when he wasn’t smoking. I wanted to stop and the perfect time came when I got arrested for possesion… on school grounds. And we stopped for a while. And started back up, got arrested again, started up again, got a job that drug tested. And we continued this stopping and starting for a while for all different reasons.
Then I got pregnant. And things changed. I had a reason to stop. Not just a for-right-now reason, but a for-the-rest-of-his-life reason. I didn’t want to bring it around my children. We agreed on this. We had seen friends bring it around their kids and be constantly fighting DYFIS. There was no way we were having that for our children. And we stopped and I haven’t smoked since.
I was probably about eight months pregnant when I found out he was smoking again, or still smoking. I was peaking in his phone and found the proof in black and white. I flipped. He started again because his friends at work smoked. He was smoking at work. I had had enough. We had an apartment to pay for, bills, a baby on the way. If he lost his job because of smoking, we would be screwed. We had too much to risk. I was not going back and I wouldn’t let him either. He went on and on about how the baby wasn’t real to him yet. He didn’t have it growing inside him. He said he knew that once he saw his face that would be it. He would stop for his son. And I believed him. The baby came and as far as I knew, he was sober.
Then a few weeks later he tells me he smoked one last time after the baby was born with his buddy at work and he knew once he did it that he couldn’t anymore. He spat my speach back out at me; what happened if he got drug tested at work or some random jerk reported him to DYFIS, he couldn’t live with himself. Weeks later and he mentions smoking with his buddy at work right after the baby was born – twice. He swears he told me about it. And I’m left wondering, did he?
Now the baby is four months old. I went through his phone last night and see texts from his friend asking him when I was going to be around and he was going to ask if he had any strawberries left but I pulled up and are we going to meet up or are you svaing it for tonight. What am I supposed to think.
I talked to him this morning and told him I had a dream he was smoking and asked him to swear on his son’s life that he isn’t still smoking and he did. He made me want to cry with his talk about how he’s been doing so good and he wishes I would just be proud of him instead of interrogating him. He says he’s been trying so hard and he wishes I could just trust him. He sounded so sincere. But how can I trust him after all the times he’s lied? I know people are reading this and are like “Wow, she’s a fool.” But I love him and I don’t want to break up our family. I don’t want to do that to our so
I can’t keep doing this and I cna’t keep threatening to leave, because threats only work if you follow through. But if it’s negative, I am going to get such shit from him. He’s goiing to feel so betrayed. I just really need some support. I can’t talk to my family because they would flip if they still knew he was using. And it wuld ruin their relationship with him. Same with friends. I need an outsider. Someone talk to me. Please…
EMAIL: [email protected]

Best answer:

Answer by MrsBossLady
idk its hard when it comes to weed, because some people do become addicted while others can just stop when they need to. I think it depends on why the person is using the drug in the first place.

Its possible that he has other more serious emotional issues that trigger him to use in order to feel better. (depression) Maybe therapy would be good for him or N.A. somewhere where he can talk about what the drive is behind the need to use.

Only untill he realizes why he uses will he be able to kick addiction in general

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