Question by northernoutdoorsisgreat: How has grief, any loss of any type changed your life and what did you do to overcome it?
Grief is not limited to losing a loved one, but also losing a job, a divorce, an illness, a difficult childhood and much more categories.
www.grief.net, a great resource
Tell your story of grief, so we can help others out there….

Best answer:

Answer by LJC
My first experience with grief was in childhood when I realized that I did not have the same kind of parental support that other children received from their parents. From an early age I never really considered my parents as a resource, guide, or anyone I could count on. Quite the opposite, I was cognizant of the fact I could not. I left home to go to college and education changed my life for the better. There is a certain grief that goes with transcending an ignorant family. The isolation of having changed so much that they are not able to relate to me, or care too, is very sad.

I have also experienced the serious, life-changing grief such as my spouse’s loss of his job just four months after losing a child. The job loss was nothing, because we had already a point of reference to give us perspective. However, I understand what a tremendous impact our profession has on our identity and self-esteem. I have also experienced “smaller” griefs such as when it becomes obvious that a connection is not happening in a conversation or relationship over time–the slow decline of a sibling relationship, for example. There have even been bits of “grief” associated with the realization that an opportunity has passed, maybe that’s more regret than grief, but it can conjure up feelings of past grief.

After the loss of our child, I was told by a friend whose brother had experienced the same thing, that often this type of loss will either cause a relationship to unravel or become stronger. For us, it was the latter. It “sealed” the deal. Who else could understand our experience and grief or respect the unique way we each dealt with it as individuals and together? It was another life experience together that helped us set priorities and continue to hold strong to all that we valued. Blame can hurt and destroy—and we often blame ourselves the most. Self forgiveness is a must. You must have grace.

You cannot “overcome” grief. There is no way around it, you must walk through it. And it strikes at the oddest moments and feels like something suckered punched you or poured warm water over your head . . it can cause you to weep without sound at the most insipid music lyrics or commercial, it can make you feel helpless or incredibly strong and able. There is very little that frightens me. Not even the possibility of losing another child, because I know what I can control and what I cannot. I welcome and embrace the family moments, even the arguments and chaos because I know how quickly it can change. There is no problem that can’t be addressed with consistent attention, good intentions and the desire to be together.

Another way it impacts me is the way I will speak up to a parent who places their child in the front seat of a car or without restraints. So many worry about things that statistically rarely happen—kidnapping or molestation by a complete stranger but they don’t take heed to their ability and RESPONSIBILITY to restrain their child in a moving vehicle. Most people will turn the other way and say, “tsk, tsk” but “mind” their manner. I will not. I can get my point across in a diplomatic way, but I do get my point across by reminding them of my point above and basic laws of physics. If anything, I will make them question their choice when they worry about their child’s safety. In this way, grief propelled me to protect children (and my inability to trust my parents reveals the vulnerability these kids face from their parents’ bad choices). I always ask, do you want to stand in front of your child’s casket knowing you could have prevented it?

BTW: Our child did not die in this way. She was stillborn.

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Helping a Spouse Who Has Shut Down From Grief : Psychology & Mental Health – Subscribe Now: www.youtube.com Watch More: www.youtube.com Grief can be particularly debilitating for all involved, especially spouses or other family members. Learn about helping a spouse who has shut down from grief with help from a licensed marriage and family therapist in this free video clip. Expert: Roberta Marowitz Filmmaker: Roberta Marowitz Series Description: Whether you’re dealing with stress, nervousness or just want to help a spouse who is dealing with grief, each and everyone one of us could use a little help in these areas every now and again. Get tips on psychology and learn how to work in a variety of different situations with help from a licensed marriage and family therapist in this free video series.

 

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