Question by Nathan: Still Not Ready for Marriage Counseling?
My wife and I ran into some serious relationship issues back in March/April of this year. We started counseling in May/June and after 3 sessions (the 3rd one being a private one with my wife) I was told and I quote “to prepare for the end of your marriage and for us to seek individual counseling.” My wife wanted a separation and throughout July we practically led separate lives taking care of the kids. Then sometime at the beginning of August she said she was ready to go to another marriage counselor. So we had a joint session then after 2 private like the last time, she was advised she is not ready for marriage counseling. However, when I talk about her being depressed she claims it is not just that – it is the fact that we have issues. She now wants to seek individual counseling (which was not done back in July) and continue being “Just Friends” I am having a hard time dealing with this news. On one hand I have to stay the course yet on the other hand I want to work on issues while in counseling. Any thoughts? Its hard to be “Just friends” when you care about someone so deeply.

Best answer:

Answer by Sh?nn?n
I think you two need to talk to each other more.
If you are really emotional, work on building up some armor so you can hear what she has to say. It’s not going to be pleasant.

Get a new counselor. I don’t even know what ‘you are not ready for counseling’ means unless she’s refusing to talk to the counselor or refusing to change anything or take any suggestions.

Or she’s having an affair and refuses to end it.

Have to tell us the ‘serious issues’ for us to make sense of this.

I personally do not think I would tolerate an intentional roommate situation for long at all – I certainly would file for divorce-separation to get the clock running if that’s the type of state you are in.
I would deliver the news to her and explain that intentional separation, physical or emotional, means the end of the marriage to me and that if she is serious about staying married we need to work on it not ignore it.

Get in the driver seat, take control of your life back, and start emotionally separating yourself from her. Do not, do not under any circumstances leave the home. Fight for everything – she is the one throwing it all away.

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