Question by Courtney B: Is tapping your kid on the forehead or cheek to get their attention considered child abuse?
I realize that this is a very subjective topic so all I am really interested in are facts for the state of Hawaii.

When my son turned about 13 I quit spanking him. Instead what I started to do was tap him on his forehead or cheek to get his attention. Everyone marvels at how well behaved he is and compliments me on my raising him.

I tell him that I love him everyday at least 10 times and still like to hug him to show him that I care about him. He is 17 now. I am his father.

We found out a couple months ago (when he was still 16 years old) that the girl he was dating was 21 years old and had plans to trap my son with kids, marriage and moving out by next year. I stepped in and put the kibosh on the entire relationship which was when I found out that she was actually 21 years old in a 15 year old body. I decided to involve the police to let the girl and my son know that this wasn’t going to happen. I didn’t press charges against the girl because I know we all make mistakes and should sometimes be shown a bit of grace so that we can learn from our mistakes and move on to make better decisions…..hopefully.

My son was very distraught and began to withdraw from me so I decided to talk with his school counselor. I explained the situation to her and asked for her help. I know that it’s sometimes easier to hear, understand and accept certain information and ideals when it comes from someone other then the “mean ol Dad”.

During my son’s counseling session he was asked about his relationship with me during all of the marriage, baby having, moving out phase and he said that I had gotten mad. “Does he ever hit you?” asked the counselor. “Yes” was his reply. “Open handed or closed fist?” She prodded. “Open handed.”

Yesterday I received a letter from the Department Of Human Services stating that an investigation was being started into the “abuse” of my kid by the Child Protective Services.

So the question is this: Is it illegal to tap your child on the head or on the face. To give an idea of how hard I do it, when I praise him I pat him on the back 10 times as hard. The tap is more of a “Hey, look at me when I am talking to you.”

I have already read the Hawaii statute on child abuse and neglect which is this:

Haw. Rev. Stat. § 350-1 (1998)

‘Child abuse or neglect’ means the acts or omissions of any person who, or legal entity which, is in any manner or degree related to the child, is residing with the child, or is otherwise responsible for the child’s care, that have resulted in the physical or psychological health or welfare of the child, who is under the age of 18, to be harmed, or to be subject to any reasonably foreseeable, substantial risk of being harmed. The acts or omissions are indicated for the purposes of reports by circumstances that include but are not limited to:

When the child exhibits evidence of substantial or multiple skin bruising or any other internal bleeding; any injury to skin causing substantial bleeding; malnutrition; failure to thrive; burn or burns; poisoning; fracture of any bone; subdural hematoma; soft tissue swelling; extreme pain; extreme mental distress; gross degradation; death; and such injury is not justifiably explained, or when the history given concerning such condition or death is at variance with the degree or type of such condition or death, or circumstances indicate that such condition or death may not be the product of an accidental occurrence; or

When there exists injury to the psychological capacity of a child as is evidenced by an observable and substantial impairment in the child’s ability to function; or

When the child is not provided in a timely manner with adequate food, clothing, shelter, psychological care, physical care, medical care, or supervision; or

When the child is provided with dangerous, harmful, or detrimental drugs; provided that this paragraph shall not apply when such drugs are provided to the child pursuant to the direction or prescription of a practitioner.

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There is NEVER a red mark or any damage.. I am very open with my son and explain everything I do so that he understands why he is grounded, can’t use his cell phone, can’t play his X-Box – Playstation 3 – Nintendo Wii, can’t watch his television or play on his iTouch or can’t sit up all night on his computer.

I personally think it’s a ridiculous accusation, but I understand that she had to report it if there was even the slight suggestion of abuse, however I’ve “smacked” myself twenty fold to keep from falling asleep while driving.

My son said he would rather I just tap him then make him to the dishes as his punishment.
When asked if I ever hit him the counselor was referring to the time during all the craziness with his 21 year old girlfriend. My son said he knew what she was talking about and was answering for the present and not the past.

Best answer:

Answer by Penor
no, it depends on how hard you hit him

What do you think? Answer below!

 

 

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