Grief support groups are without a doubt the single most effective healing mechanism available to people who are grieving, but how do you evaluate the people running a group? I suspect that many people don’t seek out grief support, because they have no idea how to evaluate the expertise of the facilitators.

As comforting as a list of degrees and licenses may be, the honest truth is they don’t mean much, so here are the criteria I would use in selecting a grief support professional whether as a group facilitator or a grief counselor.

1. Have they experienced grief themselves? In most cases the answer will be “yes”, but a “no” is a red flag

2. How long ago was their loss? Anything more recent than 2 years is a huge red flag.

3. Are they still actively grieving? I know that sounds like a very personal question and it is, but you have every right to know where they are in their own grieving process. Bottom line is they should not be working with you to get their own needs met.

4. How long have they been working with the bereaved? As with most counseling there’s a sweet spot, where they have plenty of experience but before they start getting bored. In my experience that is usually somewhere between 5 – 10 years.

If longer than that, have they had any breaks? I know for myself this work keeps spiraling around. Every break has enriched and renewed me, and with each break I experience a renewed call back to do the work.

5. What are their spiritual beliefs? Are they similar to yours? (Good) Are they selling their own? (Bad) Are they open to exploring a variety of possibilities? (The Best)

This is especially important if you’re experiencing any kind of spiritual crisis which is very common. You want someone who will give you the space to explore for yourself what you really believe.

6. How comfortable are they sitting with someone else’s pain? You may not be able to assess this until you spend some time with them but if they keep redirecting you away from your pain, it’s time to move on.

7. Do they meditate? This may not sound like an important criteria, but here’s why I like to use it. Meditation is one of the most effective ways of learning to be present without judgments and agendas, and that makes for really excellent grief support.

8. How do they feel about medication? Medication, whether for depression, anxiety or sleep, should be a last resort. If someone immediately starts talking meds, find someone else. There are plenty of counselors out there who are discriminating in their use of prescription medications so don’t settle for anything less. (Note: this does not mean you shouldn’t use meds if they really are necessary)

9. Do you like and trust them? This is an intuitive criteria but that doesn’t make it any less important. No amount of counseling is going to help if you’re not telling the truth about what’s going on with you. In order to do that you need to feel safe. If you don’t like and trust them, you won’t feel safe enough to open up.

10. What kind of training and experience have they had? Education is good but experience is better and well supervised experience is even better. You want to know if that experience is specifically with grief or do they just have a mental health degree they think qualifies them (in and of itself it does not).

Many group facilitators are volunteers which is fine as long as they have been well trained and continue to be supervised. Find out.

11. How well do they listen? Assessing this may be hard during a phone call or even an initial meeting, but pay attention to whether you feel listened to or not?

12. In group settings, how well do they maintain the safety of the group? Do they let some people monopolize the conversation or are they able to set limits? Are they able to keep everyone on topic or does the conversation deteriorate into unrelated areas?

It may take more than one try to find the right grief support for you. What works for one person may not work for another so give yourself permission to look around.

If you don’t know where to start, you can usually get referrals from your clergy, local hospice or funeral home.

 

Support group meetings in Rowan County

Filed under: grief support groups

Caring Friends Grief Support Group for parents who have lost infants. Meets on an as-needed basis. 704-636-7803 or 704-279-6279. • Cardiac Support Group, 7 p.m. third Tuesdays in February, June and October, Cardiac Rehabilitation Wellness Center, …
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Community Services for Aug. 19

Filed under: grief support groups

BEREAVEMENT MANAGEMENT/GRIEF SUPPORT GROUP, provided by Gadsden Regional Hospice, meets at 2 p.m. every Tuesday in the offices of Gadsden Regional Home Health and Hospice in the Attalla Industrial Park, No. 82 Industrial Blvd. For …
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Campaign for baby bereavement suite at Yeovil hospital

Filed under: grief support groups

A group of Somerset parents and midwives is hoping to raise enough money to build a baby bereavement suite at Yeovil District Hospital. The Snowdrop Group wants to raise £20000 to build the facility to help people who have lost a baby. Midwife Kerry …
Read more on BBC News